You Won’t Believe Where These Brands Ended Up
So in the race to promote products companies have gone to great lengths to win the brand awareness wars. From delighting the public (remember that cute Clydesdale and Puppy commercial) to outright terrifying them (the “dead kid” Super Bowl spot from Nationwide didn’t go over well), brands will do anything to get people’s attention.
But without billions available for television ad spots, most companies depend on the old-fashioned, but supremely successful, branded products to get their marketing messaging out. Pens, t-shirts, umbrellas, and caskets… Wait–what?
Yes, folks, in the spirit of April Fool’s Day we present the Best/Worst (depending upon your taste) places companies emblazoned their brands. It is April Fool’s after all so some of these branded products are, well, made up. Or are they? See if you can guess which is false and which branded products ring true. (Well, not exactly ring true but were at least tried once.)
- Branded Casket. Yes, you too can be buried in the brand of your choice. Maybe you’re like Leon, a 6-foot-7-inch bearded beer devotee nicknamed “Osama bin Laden” from Louisiana. Leon said forget the boots–“I want to be buried in the King of Beers.” The red and white casket is wrapped in the Budweiser brand.
- Branded Toilet Paper. Oh yes, you too could have your logo and company colors strewn across people’s um… bathrooms… yeah, that’s it… everywhere. Just think of the possibilities. With the average person using 20,000 sheets of toilet paper a year that’s at least 57 marketing impressions a day!
- Branded Urinal Covers. In keeping with the bathroom theme we’re offering the logoed urinal cover for your approval. With more than 12 million urinals in the U.S. alone the market is huge to promote your brand awareness. And just think of the demographic—yep, dudes. And lots of them. That’s a coveted target market for those in the game, retail and shaving cream industry.
- Branded Poop Scoop Bags. Logo toilet paper is just the beginning! Get more bang for your buck with customized, branded poop bags for Fido. The residents of Easton, PA will thank you for it. Complaints to the town’s officials have been pouring in because it seems the small town is overrun with dog poop. “There is dog crap everywhere downtown,” one resident complained. “Something has to be done about this. It’s an epidemic.”
- Branded Puppies. Get a double impression by adding branded puppy products to your branded poop bags. It seems many local dog walkers are multi-tasking using their outside time with Fido and Princess to market their wares. One dog walker in Chicago says putting on the puppy “uniforms,” a smart, sleek shirt with her logo and company e-mail address has “doubled her sales.” Mmmm… talk about free advertising.
- Branded Birth Certificates. OK branding puppies seems a bit off, but branding babies? Huh? Well, we already had one guy sell his last name for $45,000. Why not brand names before people even settle into them? One hospital in Lockstown, Nevada is offering parents a chance to offset those hospital bills by allowing logos on their children’s birth certificates. Hospital administration says it helps parents pay for the little extras like private rooms and more than a three-day stay. “It’s great because I get to honor my first two loves… my daughter and Johnny’s!” said one mom, who had the logo of the local bar stamped on her daughter’s birth certificate.
- Branded Condoms. Oh, yes folks, the Global Condom Market has finally experienced its first growth spurt in decades. (Somewhere a teenage boy is giggling at that sentence.) And you can capitalize on the meteoric rise by placing your brand smack in the middle of the $11.6 billion-dollar recession-proof industry with branded condoms.
- Branded Employees. Despite its uncomfortable association with things like slavery and indentured servitude, it seems some companies have thrown etiquette and caution to the wind by paying employees to get their logo tattooed onto their bodies.
- Branded Customers. Well, I guess you can’t blame the company if its customers start branding themselves. There seems to be a trend of people taking brand loyalty to another level by actually branding themselves with Nike, Harley Davidson and even Pepsi logos. But even smaller companies such as Anytime Fitness (yeah, I’ve never heard of it either) are seeing people make a permanent endorsement of their brand.
- Branded Church Objects. OK, if there was one place that we thought we’d never see promotional products it would be at the church right? Wrong! In fact, there’s a book about religion increasingly being aligned with marketing and branding. Look–those rectories, mosques and temples don’t pay for themselves. “Idolatry? No, just promotion,” promised one church leader who allowed the local jazz club to put their logo on the hymnals sold in the local gift shop. “This allowed us to pay for our choir’s trip to competition this year,” said the church goer who arranged the exchange.
OK folks, now here’s the fun part: Which ones were true? Which ones were false?